SKINtimacy: Eczema and Healthy Relationships

Dear Young Folk,

Fifty percent of Eczemapedia is dedicated to health awareness and how Eczema-sufferers can develop healthy skin and healthy immune systems. But, fifty percent of Eczemapedia is also dedicated to how Eczema-sufferers can develop a healthy life.

In 2007, dermatologist Alexa Boer-Kimball published the results of a study to the American Academy of Dermatology stating that young people with eczema and psoriasis may be at disadvantage on the young dating scene. 

Basically, many people who do not have eczema or psoriasis are often confused about whether eczema is contagious or not. While the diseases that people should be worried about such as HIV and Herpes lurk invisibly. 

It turns out,

-----83% stated that physical appearance plays a major part in whether they would date someone or not.

-----62% stated that skin condition plays a pivotal role as well. 

I don't think the results of this study come as a surprise to any person with a skin disorder. Just have a skin disorder and you will know how important looks are, how important appearance is in dating, friendships and professional settings. 

Now, the study I would be interested in reading and discussing is the correlation between Eczema/Psoriasis and sexual abuse, sexual molestation and domestic violence.

Are people who suffer from severe eczema or psoriasis more likely to place themselves within dangerous relationships? Or, more likely to stay within dangerous relationships?

Here are a few signs of a healthy relationship:

----- Communication

Everyone communicates differently. Our communication patterns are largely based on the household we grew up in, and our early relationships.

*Can you communicate openly with your partner about your eczema, about both your insecurities and about your physical pain?

*Can you be careful not to take your insecurities and the results of your physical/emotional pain out on your partner?

----- Mutual Respect

Pat Allen/Marianne Williamson "A man greatest psychic need is to have his thoughts respected and a woman's greatest psychic need is to have her feelings cherished."

Does your partner respect when you don't want to have sex? When you do?

Does your partner respect when you need space?

----- Mutual Support

Each individual can make it in the world by themselves keeping acquaintances and family at bay. But life's difficulties are better handled with close support, and life's victories are better celebrated with friends and family.

*Does your partner support and encourage healthy lifestyle habits for people with eczema?

*Does your partner celebrate your victories? (When your skin clears up, etc.)

----- Intimacy

Emotions. Understanding. Sex. Is it healthy? Is it positive?

*Does your partner fulfil your emotional, spiritual and physical needs?

*Or, does your emotional, spiritual, and physical relationships hender other aspects of you or your partners life?

----- Realistic Expectations

Expectations are everything. You will never get what you don't expect. But, if you expect the impossible, you are destined for disappointment. 

*What does your partner expect of you? 

*What do you expect of your partner? 

*Most importantly, what do you expect of yourself?

----- Mutual Flexibility

Can you comprimise, and know that which can never be comprimised?

*Are you in a lopsided relationship? 

*Do you give as much as you get? 

----- Balanced Life

The most important aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship, is maintaining a balanced life. Your relationship should not be 100% of your life. Your relationship should not be 100% of your partners life.

Hope this helps!

Love, 

Lhea J. 

SKINtimacy: Eczema and Self-Esteem

Dear InSKINcure,

One of the most important things an adolescent or adult can learn is how to love themselves. Everyone gets so caught up in learning how to please other people, or learning how to convince others to please them. We look at our own faults and try to find someone to complete us. 

Remember this: 

Women are attracted to confident men. 

Men are attracted to women who like themselves.

Thus, the most important thing a person with eczema or psoriasis can learn is how to be confident, liking, loving themselves.

Here are a few exercises for people suffering from eczema:

1. Look in the mirror everyday... no matter how crazy your skin is that day... and say affirmations.

"I love my skin, I love my life, I love myself"

"My skin is healing right now"

"Damn, I'm beautiful."

2. Set aside two hours each week for a "Beauty Date". Every week you are going to spend 2 hours doing something you absolutely love.

Cortisol, a crucial hormone in eczema-folk, is also a stress hormone. The more you can remove and regulate stress... the more control you have over healing your skin.

3.  Take care of your skin when it's perfect.

-- Many eczema-folk only take care of their skin once they have broken out

-- The best way to cure eczema is to prevent it

Hope this helps!

Love, 

Lhea J.

SKINtimacy: Eczema and Sex

Dear Skintimates,

The question that I would like to ask others is, "Does eczema interfere with your sex life?" Perhaps the more prevalent inquiry is, "How can you make sure that your eczema DOES NOT interfere with your love life?" Yes, I know, Love and Sex are not the same thing. But, no one knows like someone with full-body acne, eczema or psoriasis just how important physical appearance in falling in love.

How long can you possibly hide the effects of your eczema from someone you love?

Unfortunately for some, not very long. Here are a few turn offs I have personally run into in the past:

• Scratching Reflex 
• Overnight Rashing
• Dry, Flaking Skin

Scratching is a Reflex

Often, without noticing I scratch or rub my skin while in conversation with others. While this constant fidgeting goes unnoticed by me, sometimes, I am not certain how noticeable it is to other people.

Overnight Rashing

I am not a scientist. I'm a philosopher. My theory is that my case of eczema is highly dictated by the chemical and hormonal levels in my body.  I am assuming that cortisol is a primary hormone dictating my outbreaks, but I do not know for certain. 

My skin does not usually develop rashes throughout the day, except in extreme breakouts. During lesser, more frequent breakouts, the rashes always develop overnight. I think this has to do with the hormones that are released while one is sleeping amongst other chemical fluctuations.

Regardless, how embarrassing is it to wake up to a different face than the one you went to sleep with? 

Dry, Flaking Skin

The largest turn off that I commit, the turn off that I am most embarrassed by, is my dry flaking skin. 

During severe break-outs, my skin dries almost immediately after moisturizing and dries out the most during the 8 hours that I sleep. My gift, is a bed full dry flakes of skin. Since scratching is a reflex, there are often tiny red spots where blood has seeped through my very thin skin (due to years, and years of atopic steroids).

Often I try to sweep, the skin from the surface of the bed. That never goes unnoticed.

Clearly, my sex life and dating life are best for the first 6 months after I have received a shot of triamcinalone,  during the 3 months that I take oral predisone, or during the one month that I take cephalexin, an antibiotic, in addition to topic steroid creams.

Yet, since my condition is chronic... the rashes do reappear.

Are there any solutions to help the sex-life of an Eczema-Survivor?

...for the Scratching Reflex

• Stay Active: Idle periods often lead to busy hands- scratching!
• While communicating with others: Talk with you hands. This will keep them from scratching your face, your neck, your arms while you are on a date, or simply in conversation.
• While sleeping: Sleep with gloves or mittens on. Seriously. They have socks, gloves and mittens made especially for moisturizing your hands and feet at night. These are perfect for those who develop rashes on their hands and or feet. The gloves should reduce the chance of you scratching in your sleep, or at the very least, reduce the abrasiveness of the rubbing.

...for Night Rashes

• Put on an extra thick emollient before sleeping. During 8 hours of sleep, your skin may still dry out... but it's worth the try
• Be wary of linen, pillow cases and blankets made of itchy or synthetic materials
• Try sleeping with gloves or mittens to reduce irritating skin while sleep

...for Shedding Skin

• Share beds/Sleep with really understanding people -- only. This may very well be a test of how much they love you. Or was it really just about the sex?
• Be wary of linen, pillow cases and blankets made of itchy or synthetic materials
• Try sleeping with gloves or mittens to reduce breaking skin while sleep

I must admit, these aren't the sexiest solutions in the world. But, the person with full-body acne, eczema or psoriasis should probably only be sleeping with men or women who truly know them and love them, anyway.

If night rashes and shedding skin are enough to scare your spouse away, you probably had sex too soon in the relationship.

Love,

Lhea J.